Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Dear BFF; Here comes the roller coaster!

I never thought it'd get this bad, it was just a quarrel, we live for that. But three weeks now, Konami,you could be a girl. Are you really not talking to me? Okay i admit it, i miss you.
A lot is going on in my life now i want to share it with you. I want to hear your thoughts, I want to act silly with you.It's real silly , don't you think its time we called a truce? i cannot even remember how this all started and because of this silly fight, you're missing all the fun parts of my life.I guess what i'm trying to say is that i've found him! if you were looking with me, you'd know i've found him and i am so happy. He's the roller coaster i've been looking forward to getting on and now that its here, i'm getting cold feet. Not that cold feet! not ola's cold feet, olu's cold feet not even Y's. it's a mixture of anxiety, excitement and fear and still i'm glued and can't leave this spot. i met him some weeks ago and Konami i tell you i've never felt this way before. He gets me. He really gets me, i've never met anyone who did that way, [except you of course.] he likes me, even seems to adore him. I find it cute the way he sometimes get his serious face on. Oh he's principled too, surprised that i don't care? All these fetishes of organization, time and rules. I keep telling him how disorganized i am, says i'm not. He's a leader, i like when he does that. He's better than me, I'm surprised i can admit that without rancor . He's older[NOT SO!] but we' like similar things and he actually finds things to tell me, things i didn't know before! He's so honest, certain of his place in the world and really deep, even listens to Beethoven which i don't get, still he says he'd make me like it[ who am i to complain.] Konami, i want you to meet him, i want you to like him .Yet, my fears limit me.I'm really scared. This one is different, He'd never be dominated by me. I know i've always wanted a strong man but am i gonna be good at following? The other day he asked me a question. ' Do u think i could make you cry, hurt you or could you do the same to me? I kept quiet cause i know he could. I'm the one who hurts people, HE could hurt me. I've made people cry , HE could make me cry.Konami, i'm falling and in my fears, i'm still excited and feeding this feeling, don't want it to stop. i had a test the other day, couldn't even concentrate.Now you know that this is different.You promised to always be there for me, this is different and i need you right now when i'm about falling. I'M sorry if it's my fault, whatever the cause of our disagreement, you know it's because i love you. Seriously!
Enough about my own life, ow fares u my friend? How was valentines', And the honeys' and hearts of Ur life. None of those girls would ever be me, you know that right? probably cause I've said it a million times. I miss being the number 1 girl in your life. i miss our ability to talk about random nothings, religion and music. Konami, i gave you that nickname remember? after that silly video game you were so good at. Remember how you'd tease me about my numerous 'relationships' with me complaining on yet another one with no feelings, no sparks. You feel the sparks on this one,we're both so restless in liking each other and i can't stop talking about him. We keep texting each other all day, he isn't afraid to let his feelings show surprisingly i can't hide 'em too. you know how i scribble my thoughts down?Well, he read my note and found out i'd written. 'Butterflies, help!' i was so embarrassed, had fun wrestling the note from him though. He wants to know everything about me, i want him to. And yes I'm in real big trouble, somehow i just have the innate urge to cuddle. I want to hug him, want him holding my hands as my safe anchor in the world. When i'm not with him, i miss him.Miss him when he just walks out the door. And , the issue of THE V is being challenged, haven't told him yet. The funny thing is i'm the one in danger of losing cntrol. But i am not going to, it's not going to be easy but i'm counting on God to help me and on you to bring me down to earth if only we make up again.
On a lighter note, Beyonce is in her panties phase, keeps daring us with the booty display; first with 'put a ring on it, then the 'diva' thingy. i miss teasing you over her. And Kanye is behaving like a spoilt child makes me want to mother him. You'd have laughed over that, said s'mthing only you can understand.How about Chris and Rihanna, my hero would have deleted all the'forever' on your music player. I Miss my bestie, please hurry on home to me!
Falling, who's gonna catch me? 'Sola..
PS; i'm sending a remixed version of the letter to my BFF, keeping my fingers crossed!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


This may not be all appropriate for the myriad of thoughts going through my head at the minute but today, I'm feeling like the voice of reason in a world gone mad.
It's the second year anniversary of Anna Nicole Smith a playboy playmate who made fame by taking it all off. And while claiming to be as open minded as the next man, My head cannot seem to come around the publicity about to be launched ( again )and the media flood gates to open once again..
Anna Nicole smith died last year for reasons the doctors called 'accidental' even though her blood was found stuffed with antidepressants, analgesics and amphetamines, generally all the A's that wasn't your friend. And as if the furor caused by her death was not enough, it had to be overshadowed by the greater debate on the paternity of her child Daniellyn. At that time, I barely knew the woman but the tragedy of her death was forced down my throat by E news as well as the ensuing mystery that surrounded this death.Hence i followed this case from its origin till the day Larry Birkhead was declared the father. I may not have known what feelings i had at that time, but today i do and what i do feel is distaste and angst. Yes, anger at what the world has become, with only one coherent ringing thought in my head. 'All this for a porn star.' She was not a porn star, I'm forcefully told. 'Soft porn not hard core' fine distinctions that make no particular sense to my weary head. Here is what the world is turning to. I know i have no right to be mad but when a porn star is celebrated in such societies, one is prone to ask 'what about the rest? How about the real heroes, how are they being encouraged? And then that sentence about being famous. 'it's when you're a celebrity', when you are famous' What criteria is 'famous' judged by. J.b Cooper is famous. Should i break out of a prison? Abacha was famous, ow about killing anyone who stands in my way or General Idi Amin 'famous'. I'm sure my freezer still has some space for some human heads! Here's a thought, How about real heroes too busy trying to make a living to have time for seeking fame, How about trying to survive, fame is the last thing on your mind when you barely know where the next meal is coming from.
My friend's mother would say that the devil seats on the statue of liberty with his arms folded, legs crossed, cheek in smile as he grins to himself saying. 'my work here is done'. Then, i'd dismiss her words as ramblings of a dissatisfied soul but today i really get her. See,It's not about America but the entire world, of the sins we have committed in the name of liberty, our overstepping all boundaries in the pursuit of freedom when we barely understand what it means.Today I see differently and the fire she saw from the distance, i see it burning up my clothes. It is never only about one person but the bigger picture, the greater and outward condition of a society in the depths of moral decay where everyone is so eager to fit in, so keen to be judged 'in', so anxious to be thought open minded. Yet,what do we seek in open mindedness? To Accept all. All words, all thoughts , all ideas, all innovations accepted without question is the name of being open minded and in return be given the power to judge anyone who doesn't conform as a freak of nature, a wierdo, a close minded person.
This may sound like a general rant against all things western but it isn't, What concerns me is the rapidity in which my immediate society accepts all western ideas with open arms. Hence the culture of pornography, multiple partners, open relationships, homosexuality and indiscriminate sex is accepted and glorified in, leading to an unbelievable hike in the number of HIV and STD patients . And somewhere along the way, we have lost our morals, our values and culture hence we walk about blinded as if in a zombie haze. I have no particular grudge against Anna Nicole Smith or her child, an innocent who has no idea what world she'd been born to, They say you shouldn't speak ill of the dead hence apologies to all her numerous fans who went on an hunger strike at her death or are still mourning for her loss as this is not being unkind. It is the unfairness of life that strikes me where we dismiss the people worth being celebrated as insignificant and glory in the glamour of people who'd made no difference in the world.
The world gone mad forgets the poverty stricken mother who died, is dead or dying at the minute for the entertainment of a pop star shaving off her hair. It forgets the mother and child abandoned in war,this woman who feeds her child her own blood in the absence of water. Instead, It holds its breath on the scandalous report of actress A stealing actress B's husband. We're each so lost in the minuteness of our own world, our tiny existence that we forget that there is a bigger picture,That though our lives may end, a new generation would arise.What kind of a life would these future archaeologist discovered us to have lead.Would a scientific report be something in the lines of. 'The Millennium generation lived a boisterous life of partying and playing with no distinguishable invention except an improvement on former technology. Discovered a 5ooo year old condom in the ruins of what they'd call a nightclub along with primitive bottles they filled with alcohol' And i pity our next generations to come, is this the society into which we want to raise our kids, with the idea of a perfect life being that 'very famous, very rich porn star or actress who clubs all night and thinks Africa is a country. Where are the role models, where are our mentors? Who will we look up to as our ideal?Where else can we look except the Internet,books and television?The newer generations are absorbing these ideals like a sponge, And It's already happening, this trend of oral fixation where the desire for immediate gratification reigns supreme.And concerned individuals are putting words like 'It's cool to be smart' and 'Virginity is not a disease on bill boards.'
My kid sister who'd grown up in Nigeria where every child's dream was to be a lawyer, a doctor or accountant had a rude cultural awakening in her new school where all of her friends aspired to be musicians, actresses, basket ballers and fashion designers. There's nothing wrong with these professions but who will be our lawyers, our doctors, our architects and bankers?Are we gradually progressing to a world where there will be technology but no competent technologist, where there'd be patients and no doctors to treat, a world gone mad where there would be no such word as innocence and in one classroom, a child would open her shirt revealing her 'barely there' breasts and declare to her aging teacher.' When i grow up, I'm gonna be a porn star!'