Saturday, January 31, 2009


Whoosh! The week has gone in a rush and i don't know where to start except with the fire. SUNDAY EVENING;
At about nine thirty pm, came the voice of someone I've never heard before. 'Fire FIRE! Pls help.' I remember reading online before the electricity went off with no warning. My roommate was fast asleep after ingesting all the pathology she could take. I remember adrenalin rushing as i opened my room door just to check and ascertain if it wasn't my own room burning and my sigh of relief when i realized i was fire free, before beckoning to my room mate. 'Omotola! Tola wake up. There's a fire!' By this time, i was in my nightwear but i wasn't going to miss the fun so i grabbed a veil and made to go off. I think it was my haste that triggered Tola's instinct as she stood up immediately and grabbed me. Even i panicked. ' Tola,what is it now?'
'Where are you going?' she asked aggressively.
'Relax, Tola. There's a fire on F block I'm just going to see!' She was no longer listening to me but checking her face in the mirror, all ready to go out. It was later on i could laugh. For God's sake, you're in apparent danger and all you could think about is your face!!
By the time we got downstairs, I had my mouth open in shock. The flames were in the distance and Twas huge,like serpents of fire struggling incessantly to burn up the wooden block. F block is a wooden block of quarters that used to house the administrative arm of student government, as well as the clubs and the various press , but was on the verge of renovation hence it was a lucky thing that nobody inhabited the building cuz no one could have survived that fire with the way the harmattan wind picked it up. True to form, a crowd had gathered to watch the fire burn with a number of guys manning the extinguishers and the females shouting. 'OMO'[detergent], PLEASE BRING OMO! As i stood watching the dancing flames, I knew no amount of Omo would bring back this building. It was a goner.
NIGERIAN FIRE SERVICES. As we stood watching the fire burn, a number of people were already making phone calls. 'PLS What is the fire helpline.' [Jolly just come said whaat?]
'Hah, there's no fire service in this state.'
'Haba, of course there is.'
'yeah, there is. But they would not attend to you until the governor calls them.'
'HEHnhEH' 'Maybe i should call the vice chancellor, he'd call the governor.'
'No, call the provost. Better yet call both of them.'
All these conversations were going on in my vicinity but this particular night the fates had it in for F block and the phone network was terrible. The guys tried their best. One good thing that came out of it was that they learnt to use the fire extinguishers right.OR NOT! The fire would be on the left and my guy would fight the non existent flames to his right. And all of us onlookers would shout. 'Are you blind, the thing is on your right now!' Eventually, the fire people arrived with their blinding lights and headache granting sirens. They succeeded in putting out the fire sha [After it had burnt the building to the ground] and avoided it from spreading to the nearby G block.
THE GOOD AND THE UGLY; It got to a stage that many were alternately gisting, taking pictures and videos. So was i, I'm in the press and my editor kept shouting at me. 'Sola, are you getting This?' Take as many as you can get. 'Olu, A. GO On with the interview' The guy should have been in journalism, with the way he kept licking his paw and reciting to my tired ears. 'There's no news like bad news.' When my editor wasn't bugging me however, I was chatting with everyone. Fire does that to people, Here i was talking and flowing easily with people i'd normally not talk to, with each person lamenting on what the fire meant to him. I didn't think it had anything to do with me until someone shouted.'OH my God. the decoder is burnt.' and then i screamed. OH God No!No dstv. When someone suggested that the internet might be affected, i screamed louder. Just how was i supposed to survive with no entertainment. But i didn't have to worry, Didnt Y exist to entertain me?
I was taking a picture from a safe distance when he approached me.'Having fun?' he asked me and he was smiling, staring at my editor who was on Olu's nerves for botching something[ i have no idea what] cuz my heart had picked up at his arrival. i murmured something that sounded like no and he helped me adjust the camera. It was like my brain went into hibernation and I couldn't stop staring. ' Sola, this is bad! there's a fire and you're staring at boy. Get a grip jo.' 'what could have caused the fire' he mused aloud and i rounded up on him. 'There's a rumour going round about it being caused by a cigarette butt, don't you and ur crew smoke there?' And he had the audacity to laugh and say something about.'Don't turn presswoman on me.' 'Seriously, though.' i persisted 'the fire could have been caused by you people smoking in there.' He only shrugged but unluckily for us, We were standing right next to Bunmi whose mouth tends to run off with her. 'It's true Y. i know you people smoke in there.Where were you when the fire started? ' In my head, i'm thinking 'WTF! DID SHE JUST GET A DEGREE IN PRIVATE INVESTIGATION?'
'I did not cause the fire.' he answered quietly, staring at me and I believed him but Bunmi is really loud and her voice was already attracting attention. 'It's true now, all ye smokers should pay for the decoder. I swear if the internet is affected, i'm coming to meet you.' She was saying it jokingly but her voice was carrying and i could already hear whispers of 'serves you right 'upon all the lung cancer lectures .'mssheww' and echoes of abi o!' And, i exploded. I tend to do that sometimes and when i do i can't stop, so i gave a piece of my mind along the lines of. 'What is your problem? didn't you hear the boy say he didn't do it. If he decides to smoke, just how in heck does it affect you?' In retrospect i think she was dumbfounded because she kept quiet. I guess she didn't know the thing[whatever it is] going on btw myself and Y.
We didn't stay long after that. Y walked me to my room and said thank you for defending him [As if he needed any defense] but i told in in no uncertain words. 'You're going to die young if you don't quit.' He laughed at me. [I pity you! i said that righteously.] and said thanks anyway.
WEDNESDAY; I floated on air for two days until Wednesday when a professor called me a blockhead when he asked me a question and i didn't know it. There's such a thing in medical school where you never say. 'I don't know' you HAD to say something even if it was wrong. And then you'd be insulted [Along with your family, your generation] then corrected . I'd been told to expect the insults but i'm bad when insulted i tend to cry. So i just stood quietly through it all not uttering a word because i knew if i did, i'd probably burst out crying. Probably because i wasn't entertaining enough, he moved on to the next person who turned out more interesting but i couldn't laugh no matter how much i was dying to because i knew he'd jump right back on me.
ON FRIDAY; [sing song]i got a Daaate. Nope, not with Y but with a doctor, a professor , Professor Lagbaja. Okay i have a psych appointment. Nope i am not mad. I'm in psych posting and with all the hype about the absence no clinical psychologists and patients in Nigeria, the dude is employing medical students in his research {i am so getting used to being the guinea pig!}My mates are dreading it, not me. I'm scared and excited. What kind of crazy person would get excited over a psych appointment? Meeee!
'Will there be a couch, a sofa or a wooden chair? Will we get to talk about my totally fabulous life and how significant my mother lying about the tooth fairy relevant to my distrust in humans. Will he finally explain why i'm always late[African timer] and why I'm scared of relationships? I can't wait!!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I Was Tagged!

  • So, i've been unceremoniously tagged by buttercup. Ti's my first time of doing this. If it's some kind of initiation rite, here's hoping i pass. Here goes....
    ur cell phone? sitting quietly on my side table!
    • Where's ur significant other? somewhere in the world, hopefully searching for me as i am for him.
      Your hair colour? Shiny black when newly relaxed. dark brown on a dreary day.
      Your mother? Maami! i love her 'die'.
      Your father? where do i begin? a wealth of innate knowledge. A mobile encyclopedia, with his whip lash of words and his heart of gold.(And it's not a pathological condition oh!)
      Your favorite things; My Mac perfume[ A small bottle with the scent that's become my customized fragrance, my best friend swears he 'd know it was me ten miles away].oniro buruku![liar]. And the gold bracelet my mom got me for my eighteenth birthday.
      Your dream last night? Had to do with slapping a professor who called me a blockhead. Sure i don't want to share it!
      Your dream goal? Owning my own chain of hospitals providing reasonable health care for every Nigerian.Big dreams huh!
      The room you're in? My bedroom.It's my hostel(does it qualify?)
      Your hobby? playing basketball[fair player, not fantastic], novels, music and more books.
      where u wanna be in six years? I wanna be married! with a wonderful family. A working mother of one child(three more coming) just generally happy.
      Where were you last night? Hah, I was on my bed sleeping. Did i mention someone calling me a blockhead? Now i can laugh.
      What you're not? GAY!!!!!! I'm very straight.( hah hah)
      One of your wish list items; A CAR of my own. i'm not picky but nothing small cuz i'm kinda tall[no Volkswagen please and i don't care if it's the newest model] or Honda baby boy? [it's a naija slang}, a convertible or a 'be my wife'(BMW)would be nice though.
      Where you grew up? Here and there. Born in a small town called Osogbo in Osun state , a larger city called Ibadan, a larger country,the United States. Then back to Nigeria.
      Last thing you did? Climbed down up a flight of stairs because the elevator malfunctions. Nigeria!
      What are you wearing? A purple camisole.
      Your TV; Right in front of me, apparently asleep because the DSTv burnt down(a story for another day)
      Your pet; I don't do pets, i have a teddy bear though! does it count?
      Your computer? On my bed.
      Your mood; Get back to u on that one.
      Your car? Didn't I just wish for one? My father would not buy me a car for some reason, so he(Reluctantly!) lets me drive his Chevrolet truck[it's massive by the way, and very ugly.] But i sha thank God for it!
      Something you're not wearing? Shoes.
      Favorite store? This is Nigeria oh! We have stores with no names or worse yet, cheesy names like Collectibles, Shop right, Uche's place, Dress well! { okay, i just invented that one] LOL! But i like Victoria's secret, i just love underthings!
      Your summer?First of all, there's no summer in Nigeria! So, last year harmattan (Lol), spent parts with family in DC and the other part in my lovely naija med school, asking questions from ill people while being yelled at on a daily basis and all the while thinking! 'I've got to develop a thicker skin.'
      Love someone? Yes, lots! but nobody romantically at the minute.
      Your favorite colour? Light blue.
      Last time you laughed? Hmmm,twenty minutes ago. Y and T-Dhobs[my crush and his Bf] were just telling me about how Y got attacked by a canine. not sure if it's true or not but i was laughing so much my mouth hurt.
      Last time you cried?Cant recall. Oh yeah! Obama's inauguration.
      Are you a bitch? Well, nobody's called me one recently so i don't think so.
      Favorite pastime; Used to be writing. Recently,its surfing blogville reading blogs both old and new.
      Hater or lover; That'd be the latter(i think)
      Genuine or fake; I'm as real as real can be.
      Any vices? I'm kinda stubborn. it's hard to change my mind when it's made up.
      Pro life or wire hanger; In the context of justice, live and let live. But in some instances of clear cut evil. i can't help thinking if they deserve to live.
      Mccain or Obama; Naturally Obama.
      Pro-plastic or natural;Love natural, though trying unsuccessfully to break from the plastics.
      Dream job? making a living by writing!
      This is to thank Blogville for making me welcome. As a thank you gift, i'm tagging the first,[not previously tagged] five people who visited my blog.That'd be Nefertiti ,Allied,incognaija,Lil woman,and rethot. I'm also adding an additional question. 'What came first, the chicken or the egg mcmuffin?' (LOOOL! Sorry, the question just makes me crack up!)

Friday, January 23, 2009

Let's break up!

Good evening,ao was ur day.been calin u since last wk, it's like u r ignoring my calls pls try and pick'em I av some messages 2 pas acros 2 u. I'm on my knees begging. gud 9t.''

It was going to be a wonderful day, i had ironed my clothes for the day after, cooked for the morning and was generally getting ready to sleep when the message arrived. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, i didn't notice the message until the next morning. This morning ,I was greeted by this message that ended up spoiling my hoped -to- be perfect day.
This boy, Ola has a gift of persistence. We are family friends and were not particularly close in childhood .See, the boy was so chronically quiet that i was surprised when in my fourth year high school(SS1), he found the guts to write me a love letter. My recollection of the contents are vague but i remember lots of incomprehensible jargon, the gist of it which was. 'I love you, want to go out with you' but it was one statement that stuck to my head and today i can quote it verbatim. '
'I know we're too young for this but this is just to let you know that you're in my heart.' (awww!right?) .

Only, AWW was the farthest of my reaction then. I remember shock, then panic, total panic. See, i went to this girls boarding school populated by female teachers whom for some reason made it their jobs to make our lives a living hell. Their ears seemed attuned to any sound of 'boy, 'friend, lover' And evry letter, every note was finely investigated for any hidden nuance before it was delivered. There was this particular housemistress Mrs U who was paranoid with thoughts of pregnancy. Any ailment befalling us girls had to be pregnancy or worse yet, attempted abortion.(whaaaat?) True talk. There was this one time Mrs U would swear on her albino son that a girl was pregnant. Poor girl, she had all the African symptom of pregnancy, incessant vomiting, dizziness, nausea, pallor. She also had the misfortune[now good luck] of having a pair of breasts shaped like mount Gilbaltra and a huge ass I'm sure Mrs U was jealous of. I heard Mrs U visited the girl in the sick bay and the conversation went something like this.
Mrs U; So, you the one that's pregnant?
HBG; [Sobbing hysterically].I swear ma, I'm not pregnant.
Mrs U; Shut up jo, you ashewo girl.i knew it! the way you'll be walking about shaking your bum bum {LOOOOL}, sleeping with those corpers. Ashawo girl! lie down so i can examine you jo.'
''sho! the woman as we knew it had only one degree and it wasn't in Medecine. she taught us homo habilis, homo erectus and homo sapiens so that'd probably give an idea of what she taught.'
Fat girl had no choice .
Huge breast girl laid down unwillingly, submitting herself to Mrs U sadistic examination which [i heard] began from the superior part of the abdomen downwards, each prod punctuated by. 'Do you feel pain?' To which the poor girl would reply.'no ma' This was until she got to the lower part of the abdomen and gave her such a sharp prod that the girl screamed in pain and Mrs U screamed in triumph. ' I said it, you're pregnant now. shame on you, you're pregnant.'
Kai! To think that silly white people had to invent the pregnancy detection kit when there were the likes of our Mrs U. It actually turned out that Fat girl suffered from malaria but she was never the same again even after her mother came personally to accost Mrs U. Any ways, i divert. what was i saying? Yes Ola ! well, he was smart enough to send the letter through his friend who had come to compete in a friendly match organized by my own school.But i still panic, what if Mrs U was nearby watching?? So i totally panic and TEAR the sheet of paper into tiny unrecognizable pieces, then i manually shredded the tiny sheets. Oh! you would av thought i was deranged with the zeal i took to tearing that letter. '
So, i totally avoid Ola after the incidence, finding reasons not to be around when his parents came visiting, finding excuses not to visit them either. [Now i wonder why i kept running away from him.] Until about four years ago when i met his younger sister and innocently gave her my number. Ola obtained the number from his sister and for four consecutive years, he has not stopped calling.

I know I'm lucky to find a guy who likes me so much he's persisted for four years but it creeps me out. Why does he even like me? we don't attend the same university, the little contact we have is mainly by phone yet despite my cold shoulder and attitude, he still finds reason to call me. Isn't it eerie why he's still stuck on me after all these years. I av to admit he became comforting at a time, his voice my occasional anchor in a world gone crazy. He had an amazing sense of timing, often calling me just when i needed it the most, reminding me that somewhere in the world, somebody likes me.

All was going on just fine until some months ago when he decided our self imposed[scratch that, me- imposed] hiatus should be cut short and that we should meet at home, over the Eid celebrations. I must admit i knew something terrible was gonna go wrong. i kept telling my best friend i didn't want to meet him yet. He [silly boy] basically called me a coward , told me to get over myself. So i decided to, and we did meet at home. And from the first glance at him, i knew it wasn't going to work out. 'No he's not ugly and no, he did not make a bad first impression. See, all the while we had our 'relationship', I'd been trying to convince myself he could be the one and that I'd feel the connection when we eventually meet after all these years. But it was missing. And i knew i'd definitely not be calling him.

That was three months ago and after answering three of his calls, I'd started ignoring him hoping he'd get the idea and move on with his life because As my BF correctly pointed out. i am a coward in relationships. i don't do long lengthy talks detailing how i feel or where we're going. It scares the sh#t out of me, so i kind of ignore 'em and hope they find happiness{bitchy huh? but we still turn out good friends, no? acquaintances. And somehow i try to hook them up with friends]. Apparently, Ola hadn't gotten the memo and kept calling. His message this morning upset me more than any and made me feel like the worst person ever so i started a list of things i could do and why i couldn't do them.

1;I could pick up his call, hear him out. (I really don't want to talk to him, what am i gonna say) 'Ola, you're such a nice guy. I like you a lot but i'm not attracted to you. I hope you'll find a girl who deserves you'

2 I could change my phone number. Seems extreme but desperate times call for desperate measures. at least if he doesn't find me, he'd move on (wouldn't he?)

3}I could keep on ignoring him. But sooner or later he'd find a way to talk to me.

Okay i don't want to break up with him. Technically i wouldn't be breaking up with him since we never really were dating. still, i don't want to be the one to have to say it. I've learnt at a younger age that i don't do well dumping people, somehow i always seem to end up the worst for it. life would be so easier if he just ignored me too.

I am also scared. Scared that i'll never find anyone as caring or persistent as he is. I'm scared that someday, i'm going to wake up and be at the receiving end of my own cruel punishment. I'm scared that someday, i'd really regret letting him go. But is my stringing him along just to satisfy my fears, the best for both of us? I can't understand why he's willing to settle for so little from me. I'm not willing to settle for even a half and that baffles me. I dream of love, intense attraction, dream of smouldering looks even after forty years of marriage. There's not a spark here, not even an emblem of flame. Do I settle because he's devoted or leave him because of a myth? Do these intense feelings even exist[Beyond lust]? My friend says i've read too many romantic novels OR Is love, like electricity another invention of the whites? So, what to do. Decisions, and more decisions.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The 'Bad Boy' Complex

  1. Okay, there's this new boy in my class that i totally heart. i like him, like him so much it freaking hurts yet there are so many things that are not right about him ,the least of which is not that he's a bad boy.He's not all that bad but he drinks ,he clubs, he smokes not sure if he womanises.nope?[okay, i get it .He's a bad boy] And i am a good girl, i think I'm entitled to that[i am a virgin,aren't i?] So, what is it about good girls and very bad boys?(I'll probably do a research on it someday, call it the bad boy syndrome,get a Nobel prize Lol!] See, it's not that he's very cute. All that black bushy hair, the fashionable little goatie beard but that tall lanky frame,that easy grace in his own skin and those eyes that seem to drown you in them. Nope! highly overrated. His name is Y and from time to time, I'll find things to say, just so I'd call his name. In between drones of 'paroxysmal nocturnal haemoglobinuria', my thought center is engaged in thoughts of kissing, lots of kissing and more kissing. And today, my nerve endings are still being OD ed with bursts of epinephrine just from my little encounter with Y. So, here i was sitting jejelli in class, waiting with no particular anticipation for the lecturer scheduled for 'bone marrow failure 'when Y enters. it seems I'm connected to him by a weird transmission mechanism bcos na for my heart it dey pain me when i'm near him and when i hear his name, i'm involuntarily tossing my artificial braids. See me see wahala oh! i am so not this mushy, crushy,feely type.see what Y don turn me to oh. Anyways, he enters the class and my heart rate kicks up, the seat immediately beside me is empty and i'm hoping, praying wishing,(please come sit beside me, if only for today. God, pls give him to me today) It seemed i'd been particularly good because the next thing i knew, bad boy was standing right next to me, asking in his deep husky voice. 'Hi, is this seat taken?' i couldn't trust myself to speak i knew i'd say or do something embarrassing like say (SWOON!!) LOL! i nodded in affirmative pouting up my lips cutely (I'd practised that in the mirror a million times! just so u know) so he looks round the half full class probably searching for his clique. OK pause here, there's this clique thing you should know about. Medical students are not particularly the coolest people on the planet, In Med school,You'll find the most diverse variety of people ever. From the thirty somethings [i go get this certificate! no be doctor?],to the nerds with their overworn shirts and ties [i think the diagnosis is disseminated intravascular coagulation or polyarteritis nodosa].They were the kind of people you'd hate to be grouped with. They're so brilliant, they make you feel dumb[ and I'm in medical school so I'm definitely not dumb], then the minute cool guys of which my Y was an integral part. The cool/bad guys were five in number and it seemed they'd passed an interview to pick themselves out cos they so had lot of things in common. A] They all had similar names. Picture this, Two of them with the same pro names ;say adeyemi and adewole, then the other two had similar first names without the prefix;say adeyemi and olayemi, then the last one was called by only a shortened version of his last name. B) They were all addressed by their nicknames.Hence there was F, T.Whot, T.Dhobs and Coker. He sat dwn restlessly and turned to me,fixes me with his dashing smile Perfect Sugar Cookiesand declares 'I'm hungry' Actually, i'd pictured this moment a million times but never really like this! hungry? seriously! so i answer' I'm 'Sola, nice to meet you' he bursts into laughter and my toes curl. he thinks i'm really funny(aww). He's still laughing it out when his clique arrives and according to custom, he had to beckon them[spoiling my own chance for a nice romantic interlude] ' Hey, guys. over here!' he calls, so i promptly face my other side pretending to chat with my other girlfriends while actually listening to him with rapt attention. Y;'Oh boy, i dey tire oh. i no eat this morning at all' T.Dhobs; Go eat now! [Y glances at the lecturer still trying to set up the projector. ]'him, he no go see you. you for go right now, the boy blind' Y laughs and ignores his unserious friend. meanwhile, coker is staring at me across the space dividing us. 'Hey 'sola' he greets and i smile at him mainly for Y's benefit. i think coker likes me and he's kind of cute, even cuter than Y but he's not bad boy cute, the only kind of cute i like. Anyways, the lecture begins and somehow everyone of us is clustered together straining to hear Dr G's voice, [the guy is so boring he'd drive an insomniac to sleep] Okay, i'm bad but somehow, i'd forgotten[wink,wink] to put my hand bag as a demarcation between Y's seat and mine . Hence we were[ Breathe, 'sola] huddled together with his cotton pants nestling snugly against my cotton skirt, his shoulder brushing my side. i was essentially dominated by his 'cool blue' perfume and beleive me, i love scents, [scents drive me wild. ]oh!! i don't know ., i almost closed my eyes and moaned when he made, the move. you know that cinema move when the guy yawns and in between, insinuates his arms behind my back[ ok, not behind my back but on the chair,Hahn it still felt like my back!' ' so, sola, where are you from?' he whispers. ok, i av this habit, i don't know if it's prevalent but i kind of exhaust my vocabulary when being toasted. 'I don't know Y[told u i like saying his name] where u want it to be?' 'You're probably not born in nigeria' 'Ghana' i tease 'me too' he says. yeah right. we were essentially teasing each other. word flirting if you please when he asks me out. 'Alright, allright. he might not have particularly asked me out but he did say. ; 'There's a party going on tomorrow, it' for T.Dobs, do u wanna come?'' I blank, i totally blank, was he asking me out or just inviting me for his friends' party ?so i deviate.' T.Dobs?what's the occasion' Y; It's his birthday. he's turning twenty four.' 'oh my God, T.Dobs happy birthday in advance' it's a falsely cheery voice but in those moments i'd made a decision. 'so, are you coming?' ' 'isn't tomorrow a school night?' he nods. 'it is, but we'll be drinking dancing and having fun, i'm sure it beats him' he answered nodding at Dr G who'd by then was droning on and on. i was sorely tempted.Do something bad for once, skip school, dance overnight, meet some crazy guy, probably kiss my bad boy crush. But my deeply ingrained years of goodgirlship had me nooding my head and saying 'no, thanks . you guys have fun though.' He seemed surprised which was the good part, fine boy like him not used to hearing no, well he hadn't met this virgin yet! The bad part about the end of the lecture was that i had to relinquish the feel of his taut leg muscle [that's be the hamstrings] against mine.'i'll give you a rundown of the party tomorrow' he promises me, winking before he left with his clique and believe me, i couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. maybe this hard to get thing might just work out, who knows. [Mrs sola Y] OMG!, i'm in effing high school again!

Sunday, January 18, 2009


So, i decided to be a virgin till i got married when i turned thirteen. Growing up, i spent a part of my life with my five female cousins, and their mother, my aunt thought the sun shone out of their overgrown behinds. hence, every word she uttered was emphasized by how great her kids were, how well trained they were and how she was a hundred percent sure they were all still virgins. So, on that day, i thought to myself just how difficult could it be? it was mine ,wasn't it? And i could hold on to it for as long as i liked. i was determined to be a good girl just like my cousins were. Fast forward to five years later and i overheard my eldest cousin confiding in my mother how she'd lost her virginity in college. Subtract four years on, my second eldest cousin got pregnant out of wedlock. it was all very hush-hush but she had a son six months into the wedding. Then, two years later, another cousin had a baby out of wedlock. I was dumbfounded and disappointed{in no particular order}They'd unknowingly made me lose trust in the truthfulness of humanity.To think i'd actually looked up to these people as my role models! however, i learnt two lessons from my cousins' tale. i realised that talking about an idea does not necessarily mean you'd comply or holding anyone,[no matter how much you admire them] to such high standards of behaviour was inviting trouble. At thirteen, i'd only seen what i wanted to see and blindly followed the way of thoughts but at eighteen i became adult enough to reinforce my decision. it was different this time and i resolved never to be like my cousins but be me. Transform the idea conceived by my aunt into my own reality, my life. Today, i'm me;unique, different and still chaste. it's hard living in a world where everything screams sex, from pornographic billboards to movies that make you sweat. still i'm holding on if only by a thread. i'm scared of falling,it's the fear that makes me alert but with this journal, i'll vent. it'll be my form of catharsis. so i finally have a blog where i'll document all my adventures and life. So, today i'm welcoming me and everyone else to the surprisingly crazy life of a modern virgin.