Friday, March 5, 2010

My time to waste

Do you love him.Are you going to marry him? she asks and i stare at her blankly. it was twenty minutes to class and i was sitting down beside her, my friend who thinks all is fodder for talk. 'Çome on Sola' she prompts but my head is blank at the moment. Sitting in front of me is another girl, Dola so she directs the question at her. 'Are you going to marry him. she doesn't hesitate.
í will not date someone i cannot marry
I'm silent as i try to digest the statement but then she says. 'sola. are u wasting your time?'
Throughout the class, i can't help ruminating on her statement. i've never been girl comprehensible. sometimes i express a view and some girl looks at me as if unsure what planet i hail from.I started dating my boyfriend with the mind set of it being a temporary thing that's over by his graduation. Ironically,it was the same boyfriend who had become the topic of the conversation.
Do you love him?
Of course i do, i wouldn't still be with him if i didn't.
What if? He got hit by a cab and became vegetative, would you nurse him or love him with hepatitis or HIV?
if he became very poor, would you stay?
Will you marry him?
It's not him, it's me. i'm scared of marriage, the thought of settling down with one person for the rest of my life scares me.
No, i do not want to play the field nor do i think it's the joys of spinsterhood[whoever invented that word] is swell. i just happen to think marriage is a big commitment. And if i'm going to marry anyone, i want to be sure I'm content with him. i want to be sure i will not get bored of this person. i want to be certain that in twenty years i will not end up with a husband who repulses me.
Why wouldn't she get that it's no a child's play but a lifetime decision, you can't opt out because you feel stiffled, you're not happy with him even though he loves you.
'So i don't know! i don't know that i'll marry him'

Only God knows the future and the truth is i like not knowing. After all, i didn't know i was going to love him now, did i?
Only date who you can marry?
No, in fact I'd like to date many more guys that i'd never in a million years marry but the good ones are the ones i meet. i think this life is my story and i haven't done a half of all the things i should.Without crossing set boundaries, I'd like to look back on my life and not regret the things i did or should have done.
So, this is for you O;
Not everyone has your baby faced outlook on the world.You may be able to say how much you love/adore your boo. How you've picked out baby names and your honeymoon in hawaii.
Some of us can't.
some of us hesitate when asked if we love him because we're unsure if it's really love we feel when he holds our hands.
Some of us are pessimists who expect the worst and get pleasantly surprised when disappointed.
we do not know if we'll marry ever, if we'd have babies or if we really love the people we say we love.
Judge me lightly my friend, Isn't it my time to waste?


  1. I don't think one shud date on who can b married....and yh! who isn't afraid of commitment?

  2. Commitment is a big thing but the good bit is that when you meet the right person, it doesn't seem like such a chore. Good luck dearie.

  3. Rene;thanks, that's what i tried to say.
    Myne Whitman; i op i do. thanks for stopping by