Wednesday, December 8, 2010

On crushes and stuff

Crush; is it that suddenly happy, suddenly nervous non localized feeling somewhere around ur mid gut to mid section . is it the butterflies doing plies in the pit of ur stomach or that all consuming high that fills your heart making you feel like you're about to burst. Thinking of my all time crush and no surprise here. he's totally inappropriate. everything from the hairs on his head to his fingernails scream. come close....... if you dare! but tell that to my racing heart and hyperventilating lungs.
You know that kid in high school who has a crush on the jock and tells her best friend about it. she invents all these methods to get his attention but the crush inadvertently ends in her getting her heart crushed when bubble brain starts dating the head cheerleader. Well, you know that girl. she ISN'T me.
First, i went to an all girls school so i didn't have any boy crushes as any teenager should have, pardon me, i started much much earlier with D who was my seat partner in grade 4 and spoilt me for other potential crushes. He was tall with a brain as bright as his glowing skin{sorry!] and stubborn as hell. So was I, hence we didn't make very good friends since he never agreed with anything i said. we fought like all the time until the teacher had to change our seatmates. It was until much later i figured out that i actually liked him, then like the curious child i was,made it a point to just totally ignore him and keep pretending i hated him. I mean, how could i like him so much when i couldn't stand him. Anyway, he transferred to a new school the next session and i figured my crush was over. If only i had known that that little creep would influence all my future crushes.
In my history of crushing on boys and boy is it a long history, some physical attributes of my crushes have remained constant.They've all been tall, smart and light skinned with being stubborn as a bonus. And as i grew older, well built, intelligent and rich [sue me! i want to be comfortable} were the other qualities added.
Thus any psychologist would tell me i had built my ideal of a man on the primordial remnants of a childhood crush. but i'm no shrink and never thought of that ,until two days ago when my childhood crush found me on facebook and my heart started thumping. could it be that after all these long years, i still had a crush on him, could i?
And then i started to recall what he looked like when i discovered that yes, he really did look like my all time crush, and the one before him, and the one before either of them,. Wierd thing though is my boyfriend does not look the least bit like him Yet i do not have a crush on my boyfriend while i have a crush on N who is a streotypical D. [Is it wierd i av a crush on someone while in a relationship with someone else?]
So when i saw His message, it was curiosity that had me riffling through his pictures attempting to unravel just what it is that drew him to me in the first place.
Today; Startling realization that i love crushes, makes me feel like a child again. i love the unexpected thump of my heart when he's near, the mixture of anxiety and nervousness when he looks at me with those eyes. the little smile on my face as he sneaks a glance at me when he thinks i'm not looking. Methinks he likes me but we both know it'd never be, so i just crush, and enjoy the feeling!

7 comments:

  1. Crushes are so cute. I like them.

    Per your question, i'm not sure...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hiya, I've tagged you for the Stylish and Versatile Blog Award.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't think it's wrong to crush on or even actually like someone else while you are in a relationship. Emotions are what they are; they go where they want and do what they like. What is wrong is actually acting on those feelings while you have given your word and committed to someone else. Self control is all there is to it. Once that is lost, there is a problem.

    And yes o, crushes are too fun... You really should enjoy the feeling.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lovely read! Glad i found your blog. I don't like crushes for the very reason you like them lol. The dude probably had a crush on you too hehe

    Adiya
    http://thecornershopng.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. PS Had to change my url. Sorry for the inconvenience.

    Adiya
    http://museorigins.blogspot.com (formally the corner shop- had to change my url X_x)
    http://museorigins.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. This post reminds me during my high school days where crushes really inspired me and be conscious with my looks. Damn boys! LOL.


    hip lawyer

    ReplyDelete